TO ammamma


u rememebr nani.. achan ``ur ponnumkandam polathe mon' stopped paddy cultivation in our field as u had to stop going to the field along with the workers as i was born. u also used to say that i was the one who made u stay in a hospital for the first time.. during my birth...

u who always wanted a girl child after two boys.. and as u said it was ur prayers that helped me born in that lovely house ten yeas after the birth of sarathettan.. and i can guess how much u would have rejoiced to know that ur son finally had a daughter..

do u remember the days when u used to give me company playing `valappottu'using the broken pieces of bangles?? and those days when u used to tell me the tales of Ramayana and mahabharatha in the evenings..

JUST for ME MY AMMAMMA

To my dearest ammamma

NANI as i used to call her

.. it for u ..no its all about u. u see even words stop flowing when i start writing abt u. i never knew that i loved u so much until amma called me on that saturday to tell me that u are sick.. though u ve been spending ur days and nights in that small room `kottilakam' of our house after your hip bone suffered a fracture one day after my degree results were announced... i never felt u could be sick and for me u wer no older than myself..

and wen amma told that u r condition was serious i felt running to u but was helpless. and with a tensed heart i some how managed to stay here for one more day.. and when i reached there on sunday.. u lookd quite fine.. but u seemed to have lost ur memories a bit.

but nani.. u could recognise my voice even when u were unconscious.. when ever u were unconscious and i called u naneeeeee or ammammee u smiled turning ur face.. but u could not open ur eyes.. but still i never felt u would leave me so soon..

and i still remember when i gave u water on that night. u were in a semiconscious state and amma and me were struggling to give u water. then i called nanee...nalla kuttiyallle... vellam kudikku.... then u turned ur head a little bit and smiled.. then in that tired voice u asked `` entha mole'' and then u smiled again.. and u drank the water too.. but ammamma i never knew that u would never again call me mole...

wen i went to my room upstairs at 11 p m after giving u water, to call ur `thalipparambu karan' achan and amma were there and they went for sleep at 11.30. and as was going to sleep after my prayers i felt like seeing u once again...

but i never knew that... wen i reached u were sleeping a peacefully as a child with a smile on ur face.. and i just called ammamme to know whether u wanted water or somthing..then u did not respond and i tried to wake u up...

but by then .. but i still feel u could here me then and u left the world only after that. i touched u kissed u but u did not respond.. and then....there was nothing left but till a few took ur worldly body away for the rites... till that moment i was trying to touch ur body ur face and i wanted to kiss u again and again becos i coud not accept the fact..and u know i ve not yet gone to the spot were ur rites were performed.. bcos how can i go der wen u r alive for me..

wen i am at work i feel noting but wen i cal amma a tend to ask hows ammamma... and then i .... and whenever i reach home and any of our relatives reach home i feel that ur still in that room chatting to all and blessing all. but wen i look into that room unknowingly to say the fact.. nani.. l feel lost.. still i know that i ve not lost any thing bur am blessed to have born the grand daughter of u...


ur sreemol